The day I (allegedly) died

It was a gloomy weather and there was rain & thunder. It appeared to be a new home, unfamiliar, and three of us me, my brother and our mother were there. Apparently, there was some electrical fault which needed to be looked, and my brother strongly advised me to let the rain pass before I attempted anything outside. It was unclear as to why I brushed off his concerns and went ahead with the electrical repairs outside in the rain.

---Loud noise (thunder) and my whole body was left shaking

I ran inside and saw my brother and mother coming rushing outside yelling "mana kiya tha mat kar, lekin sunna kaha hai" (I had told him to not do it, but he doesn't listen). They walked through me and that's when I realized I had passed over.

I was telling (actually begging) my brother "kuch kar" (please do something), "bacha le kaise bhi" (save me somehow), but I guess I couldn't be heard, and this was the moment I knew I messed up big time.

A while later, I could see a muscular childlike appearance with carvings on his cheek and hands with ash colored skin patiently walking and sitting beside me whilst I observed everyone around. He sat there for a moment, and I could see a door behind me appeared on the wall which looked like a treadmill like pathway elongating into the wall to some length. No one said anything but I got a feeling that I was expected to walk through it to reach the other side. I was able to see the other side of it and felt like it will not be long to walk but then the ash-guy told me it seems a shorter path from here, but the moment you step in it, it will be a very long walk.

I assumed this would be the penance walk or something, I was trying to resist going inside and that is when the ash-child held me strongly (not with much force but not shabbily either). I requested him to let me be a little longer and see my family for a little longer. He was kind enough to agree.

As I looked back, I saw all my relatives there (technically which was a fraction of second for me, I'm assuming it must have been long time in material world because my relatives all live in remote parts of country). By this time, I had no doubt I died, and a thought emerged that even if this is a dream, I truly have died because I had a firm belief that if someone dies in dream, they die in real world too because the brain doesn't understand the difference.

In that moment, I asked them, "do you guys realize this is likely a dream, anyways I have died, but what the world outside is going to perceive my reason of death?"

I have had many lucid dreams in past, and usually the moment I realize I'm in a dream, the dream sequence starts collapsing and I wake-up / dream-sequence terminates. This time however, it didn't. It further solidified my understanding that I truly died (whatever little hope I might have had was crushed by this time).

By this time, there appeared to be a gallery where an orphan child with an elder guardian came and I felt like tending to them. At this point, the elder gave me 10INR and suddenly a lot of kinnars appeared and everywhere it rained 10INR, in that moment I remembered Shri Krishna and said:

श्री कृष्णाय वासुदेवाय हरये परमात्मने , प्रणतः क्लेश नाशाय गोविन्दाय नमो नमः 

In next moment this whole construct collapsed and I woke up (to this material world). I strongly felt as if all my good deeds and everything I did good until now in my life was used up in reviving me. Ever since, I lost that strong connection with the divine, for a very long time I wasn't able to connect to Shri Krishna like I used to feel before.

I tend to remember most dreams I see with good details; this one has been the longest and most elaborate that stuck with me, I still might have forgot a few details, but this captures enough information to be put into writing.

It feels as if I was high in divinity for so long and that I'm not able to connect like I used to, it has left me confused and unsettled. For a while, it felt as if no amount of critical thinking is allowing me to connect back, slowly however, I can feel that I'm able to connect now... or so it seems.

Three death experiences have changed the way I see world, complete apathy has taken over me, I do not bother much about the material gains/losses. 

When I saw my friend's father's body, I felt as if a human body is nothing but a remote-controlled instrument. Then our father's death, which shook me deeply as no matter of money/efforts seemed to help and now finally my own death...

There's nothing true to this world, I see people engaging in petty things, all I see is childish behaviour which cannot be helped. If only everyone saw right through the material elements...